their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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