Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
