oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
