So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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