I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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