she looked like the before picture.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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