i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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