I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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