Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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