I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
