Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish my penis had a tongue
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize