my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
