The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
