How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
