So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
