fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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