Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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