i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
