At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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