so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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