The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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