just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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