Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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