She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
