just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
