By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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