sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
