Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
