I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
