we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
