i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
