i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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