1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
