new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
