btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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