nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's official drugs can't kill me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
