Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
