the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
