Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
