I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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