Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
