I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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