Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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