i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
