Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
