Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
