Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
