i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
