I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at about main and main street
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
