You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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