lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
