his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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