6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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