Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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