hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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