You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
