Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
