Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
