i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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