No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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