Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
