After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
