My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
