24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
