Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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